Saturday, June 23, 2007
a special brother wrote me this:

Into this heart, I will go,
a last poem, before I go,
that my heart, you don’t know,
and wandering, there you go.

Knowing the certain fate,
reading all that thinking so late,
asking God, whats love and hate
is it now, or when's the date.

Letting go why so hard,
that made this a broken heart,
one or two, it matters not,
neither it is that should be fought.

On God alone, you will learn,
to squeeze the water out from stone,
moulding you, and crafting you,
into the woman, the Woman of God.

Facades and pretense,
the face all so tense,
the heart all so messed,
written simply all, not less..

Dont hide, dont try,
you can run, but never hide,
He knows it all, He knows it well,
and to heal, He opens them all.

Dont lock, i say,
dont seal them there,
upon His altar, let them lay,
memories and past, them they say,
unavoidable, haunting, arent they?

p.s (his) copyright reserved~ thus i shall leave it incomplete >.<
_________________________________________
Hmmm...mmm.. just me thinkin:

many a times Man will say:
don't bother, just brush it all away..
totality of mind n heart forbids
this, my lady don't you dare sleep..

incomplete as this may be,
I choose to trust what my eyes can't see,
Love ain't blind, cos my Faith guides me
broken seemingly. Contrite, i need to be.
Who is perfect? o none but He.
_____________________________

it has been such a long journey. Having gone thru the tougher seasons in this phase of my life, i pause to think in which I'm facing now? Sometimes, life is so segmented that i can't decide on which my life speaks most of...uhhuh..But then again, everything is supposedly interlinked, i can't just detach from one n speak of another... Hmm...it has been and will be a rocky ride ahead but i know i'm not to fret, for i've got Christ as captain (: *aye captain!*

Deeds done out of selfish love leads no where my friend/.

It's strange how one can confuse indifference with being optimistic. Optimism is realising the negativity of the circumstance, yet CHOOSES to look upon it with a positive attitude. Indifference, however points to escapism. Shutting hearts and distracting the mind ain't the anecdote. They just work like sleeping pills, brings you high up to the skies, then throw you flat down when time is up. You won't even live to know you died. It's even scarier to not know that the soul is feeding on those...it's enticing and addictive..but someone slapped me real hard, oh yes i nearly ended there. Wells, some people learn things the hard way huh? *shruggs* but thank God (:

Transparent or crystal-clear? Let the veil between you and i stay, that keeps us blameless and pure. Its transparency? I leave it to the He above. When e heart is focused, so goes with the mind. When the heart ain't, so gone is the mind. Yesyes, mind over heart some may say, but when Christ fills the heart, they can't say the same. You said open or close i should choose not, "Christ-system" embrace and fret not. Agreed (: Never did i deny the heart flutters, what-ifs and unsafe thoughts; but when Christ is in the picture, he reigns even over that. The future, the "perhaps", i commit unto Him. His perfect timing and beautiful plan, i shall choose not to intervene (: Sorry if my rebellion and intrusion had been an inconvenience, but we all learn don't we? I simply love God more. HAHA (((:

Thank God for the Christ in u and i. If not for that,love will fail cos we lack THE Love. Thank you for accomodating me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for cherishing me. Thank u for embracing an incomplete me. Thank you for standing up for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for being you. I love you with e love of Christ (: -always and forever- <33

my heart accepts the challenge, for it desires the giver.

It's been 2.5 months. Thou i see your shadows almost everywhere but they no longer tempt me, tear me nor haunt me. Partial obedience is not complete so i repent. I've done the extreme, cutting off communications lines, fillling my heart with your messages one last time but deleting them right after. Let e past pass, memories stay as memories, let us not dwell on it no more. I'm glad our paths hab crossed but the chapter closes now. My heart is more or less at peace, cos i allowed God in, have you? My heart is open for healing. Christ is a great doctor. He gave me free will and grace to reject, experiment, digress before turning back again (:

The light do not mix with the dark, I eliminate darkness to grow in the light.

1st july- 31st Dec i await/. *heart flutters for God* *excitement*

Somehow i just have to leave this post the way it is. Reality just set in. I got piles of work at hand but I just have to get my fingers dancing first and my mind cleared. Haha. anyways "tuesdays with morrie" is a fantastic show, teaches me lessons in life, will share a bit more next time. Wheee...

jiayous to me (: *inhales deeply* I need all the smiles, hugs and love i can get. So don't get selfish with me. Haha, but all the more, i cherish the giver of it all.
C.H.R.I.S.T alone (",)


heart flutters by @ 1:33 AM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007
一个人生活 ( i still have jesus...)


叶子在窗外静静摇动,
人行道没有行人走过,
镜子里的我很不像我,
自从你离开了, 我变得很软弱.

你的影子在每一个角落,
好像是在提醒着我,
少了你的陪伴, 我现在有多寂寞.

我想我可以习惯一个人生活,
我想我可以假装不曾爱过,
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温柔我.
(感觉如果要走, 谁能说no.)


我想我可以习惯一个人生活,
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺,
爱你怎么会是这个结果.
(爱情是个梦, 而我睡过头)


d. Heart emotes till it's pleased,
d. Mind struggles to stay in sync,
d. Flesh abstains from it's deadly foe,
d. Soul elevates, longing for Home.
_______________________________


It’s a long long journey
Till I know where I’m supposed to be
It’s a long long journey
And I don’t know if I can believe


When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It’s a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You

Many days I’ve spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what’s my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter, I know I will cry
I know You’ll be standing by my side.
It’s a long long journey
And I need to be close to You

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don’t even know whyI do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can’t see my soul
Will You break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it’s a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it’s a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you to you
__________________________________

2 soulmates make up 99% of my human heart,
did i tell you i fail maths? Tell me.. subtracting it away; I'm left with __?
Unless by His grace, His love, His strength,
how could i possibly survive? just let me die...

It was cruel enough to have me give up my love,
and it's not even going through one more time...
but it's going throught BOTH at the same time ):
Different kinds of love they may be, but it's still that one word
L.O.V.E...

Can anyone measure the depth of my pain, the extent of my broken heart?
yes Lord, broken till it's contrite...yes yes I know..teach me Lord teach me.
but Lord, it's so hard, till it's enough to kill me and maybe just have it shut for good?
Why is it whenever I believe that there's still hope for me to have love, I'll lose it?
You made me a girl, you know how it goes, you know my weaknesses, you know my flaws...
so Lord, can I just live on Your Love alone? can't I have both? but You first.

My smiles are losing its natural flair, through that frame, others tell it all...
My happiness is fading off. Was it my pretense or simply all ur insensitivty?no one cld tell at all.. Was i expecting too much? was i hoping too much? I'm losing all the you's i can possibly name,
All that love that i shared, all the faith that i once had, was it just empty talk or heresay?
Not a battle of the sexes, for I'm losing grip on not one but both.

No-no, I still LOOK happy and there's about all/.
i dun wanna fall back into the old me Lord
all that superficiality..( who says I can't act? there...>.<) BUT
I am Your new born Lord. Help me I plead

to that special you: I have to remove you completely, as complete as my heart could go and as far as my mind could suggest. A month of memories is enough for me to lock u up, safetly in my heart. For now? Till then? uhhuh...time and my heart is in God's hands. I can't say more, I can't do more, I sldn't even see you, hear you. So help me my dear, don't even try. Cruel as it may be, I can almost say I can't resist, so help me, dun even try... Look to the Lord, u'll get what I mean. It's not yours nor my mistake, it's time we learn. God has allowed it, so let us learn through it. Yupp. what to do? we're sinful Man after all...No promises, no expectations. If we're meant to be, we will be. Let our hearts be still and pray. Love you. God bless (: Adieu/.

you lost one, you still got another. uhhuh...how blessed...

to another special you: I can't find the words to say at the moment. I can only say i dunno my heart too well u know so yea.. I'll keep my distance, just so not to hurt you, not to stumble you, not to confuse you...i dun wan us or rather me perhaps to burn up or sth. Eee. dun like ashes... What for? Yea...so God really had it all planned out huh?Time so nicely fit, countcount and u'll know =p Wells wells, we're on rough waters this year but God has seen us through so far yea? So no worries to the more that is to come. Bring it on!. Haha. Virtual lines gets blurred, lines on paper lasts yea? I think so too.. *noodds* Ventured into unsafe grounds...then i saw the light turned orangee.. uhhuh. wells wells...everything under God's love and convenent remain safe and secure, blameless and pure, so no worries. Let us keep just that (: God bless. Loves. Adieu/.

i'm already losing one, what's one more right? hah/.

how i long to have those arms wrapped around me..
how i long to have your eyes fixed upon me alone...
how i long to have your lips touch my cheeks...
how i long to hear you speak and sing to me...
how i long to have you take my hand into yours...
how i long to have your fingers running through my hair...
how i long to have your body close to mine....
how i long, i long/. (longing but never doing. *shakes*)
- who are you? i wonder too...-

help me to know that Father, You are more than enough (:

lalalala...my brains are too charred to say ath more le, lest my heart just stop or sth. So dun wanna risk it.. off i go ppl. Dun rack ur brains if u dun uds. If u're meant to, u will. Byee.. (:

heart flutters by @ 2:06 AM

Sunday, June 3, 2007
God will make a way (please do)

Oh God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way.....He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
And He will do something new today.

Heart has 2 halves; so does the mind. Close open open close open or close? malfunctioning/.

It's strange how some things can fly despite of gravity? Mmm...it's roots are in e ground, but it had wings, dying to break free... But i won't let it, I can't afford to, the price is too great to pay.

mebbe i should join HI club; the body language n hand gestures; over words? audible words. I wish my lips were sealed; then no words good or evil will come out of it. No hearts would be broken, no hope would be given; heart's liberation, mind's discrimmination. Blehh :/

i am no pirate; i value originality. So no replacements are allowed on my premises...>.<

stop trying; i'm bound to this inevitability. Just move forward and press on in Christ.

digits away-1314; I can't be more grateful, dun let me be, or i'll really be. But then again, dun u be what u ain't suppose to be or assume what u dun nid to. You are who you are. I am who i am. Both fearfully n wonderfully made... God is watching (:

sighhh....give me the space to express. haizz... ))):

wells..no nid to think too much bout e above. No one ever said my posts are reader-friendly anyways. Just pray if u love me. Thanks dearies. Nights.

heart flutters by @ 7:28 AM

Saturday, June 2, 2007
You'll still be faithful/. my Lord my God (:

Like the sun that rises everyday,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the rain that You send, and every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, o Lord.

Like the rose that comes alive every spring,
You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful.
Like the life that You give, to every beat of my heart,

You are so faithful, o Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away.

In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the wave,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful,
When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful, o Lord.


d.n.e/.-my prayer-

Fallen but picked up
Breathless but revived
You alone can make hearts whole
You alone can make souls complete
Thank u Jesus; you held on till e end.

Sweet fragrance of God's love in Man.
Sweeter than any candy,choco and pie
Enchants more than any perfume; alluring
n champagne roses alike; balanced, just right.
All bcos God added His touch to it. Thank You n thank you(:

you are no replacement; but an essential supplement. But God's still my nutrient; my true vine.

His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours; there's no limit to Him /. mmm...

Evaporation takes places at all times but not all things can evaporate.

My heart is Yours Lord, only Yours. Keep it well, for it's so hard. When i m weak, that's when U're strong. Be still my heart, be still (but not die off...) Pray pray...

till then? for now? uhhuh...

when music becomes silent, when serenity works in e adverse; till then fret not.

See me, Hear me, Feel me, Touch me- senses ain't for nothing you know; but senses of the heart is a tricky thing, because they are more powerful than the being. Be careful...mmm..

Indifference; forbidden.
Emotions; a taboo.
contradictory uhhuh, think again...
I am a GIRL/.

almost over you (not)/. -sheena easton-

I saw an old friend of ours today,she asked about you
I didn't quite know what to say....
Heard you've been making the rounds'round here,
while i've been trying to make tears disappear......

Now i'm almost over you
i've almost shook these blues
so when you come back around
after painting the town, you'll see
i'm almost over you........

You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
maybe leaving came easy, but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds, they say and I should know'
cause it seems like forever, but i'm letting you go.....

Now i'm almost over you
i've almost shook these blues
so when you come back around
after painting the town, you'll see
i'm almost over you.....

I can forgive you and soon i'll forget
all those shattered dreams...
although you've left me with
nothing to show, full of misery....

Now i'm almost over you
i've almost shook these blues
so when you come back around
after painting the town, you'll see
i'm almost over you.......

Obedience. Surrender. take me in lord/. Adieu;nite-out.

p.s : to the many whose hearts i've failed, crushed, tempt or melt, this is life. I am not God, only He can heal thee. To those whose hearts were on tenderhooks for me, thank you. I am loved/. I am still here and will be, it's not time to go yet, just yet....Nights/.

heart flutters by @ 12:51 AM