Thursday, November 1, 2007
T.I.M.E. - a variable/.

Sometimes time just seems to fly by, but other times it crept along like that of a snail; or maybe even slower...why? It's a matter of perception huh? Emotions and attitudes towards a particular happening does influence how fast or how slow time passes....

Much has happened; but much has also gone unsaid. "So much emotions; but not a word" huh? I guess this explains my case too... I did not deliberately choose to keep silent; it is really a matter of who actually listens with their heart? Maybe I blinded myself with my own smiles; but does it matter when I show? it has apparently proven not/. I know I shouldnt expect so much n indulge myself in all that self-pity, but at the moment; I just need to grouse...so do me a favour, thanks.

So what if you don't support what I'm doing with my life? I see the purpose in every single thing that I do; even if it's beyond your comprehension. You think I don't want to live life the way you wan me to? but I've tasted e goodness of e Lord; how can I forgo it?Call me selfish; one thing I can't forgo is my God! I am sorry for causing you all that trouble, i wish I knew how to be what u wan me to be; but not compromising my principles n beliefs no matter what. I will prove it to u in love that I want the best for u; even if I don't appear to be...it's just hard u know..to please u. Why can't you both see the other side of e coin? Life is a matter of perception; if you choose to think it sux, it will so don't. I know death is not too sensitive a thing to some people; nor is it for me.. but try getting brainwashed by its coming as a daily dosage n u'll get what i mean. Why not use the time talking about death to talk about what you two can do abt your life at present? It's not I don't accept it, but overdosage can be fatal; I'm reaching my optimal stress levels already.. I know I have 2 take up e "breadwinner" role ultimately; but one step at a time ok? I'm reli trying at the very least with my studies... don't tired me out. I need some love when I'm home.. I need that to go on... I am sorry for demanding for this love that I perhaps not deserve for I've shown so little of it myself... I am sorry for my unreasonable rants; I am sorry; forgive me but for one last plea I'm giving; I need to receive some love, some care, some affection. Don't give up on me please...
My family; My loves....

S.T.R.E.S.S.--in all facets of life.

God, i need your air to breathe...please...

The world doesn't revolve around me nor you.In this fallen world, self-centeredness's inevitable. We can't expect the world to stop spinning just bcos of you or I rite? But then again, there is still a God and kind little angels that He sends to make me feel like I'm not alone. At least an act of kindness or an expression of love; is enough to make time stop n let me dwell in its goodness (:

-Separation Anxiety-

I lost count of the number of days, I lost track of time. In fact, i should isnt it? Was it days/even weeks that we just couldn't be e same anymore? Knowing n doing; and even believing is all a separate entity... I am not as strong as I thought I would be; I am more selfish than I thought myself to be...but I am trying. I once said that transparency is very important; but forgive me for sometimes, my heart don't bear to do it. I can't feel ur tiredness but I can surely sense it. I can't relieve ur longing for home, but I can make you at ease. Isn't sacrificial love part of one's humanistic instincts? I happen to be an extremist that's all; it's mine to learn huh? mmm... Someone told me that perhaps, you have emotional needs that needs to be met. But cos of the distict line we've agreed to drawn, it's easier to pull back altogether? I know it's emotionally-demanding on u all these while...辛苦你了... i appreciate it; u're trying to make things easier for me as well; thanks (: honestly...missing you...<3

The haunting past n its memories,
you have no place in God's sanctuary.
Flakes of love and tears of pain,
teach me now, for when I lose; I gain.
Break, Mould, Knead, Craft,
the Potter's hand, i place my Trust(:
--
someday i'll know...

The new term has started once again. It is THE sem; make it or break it. With all my priorities in school; it's high time I learn how to manage my time and focus my life. Studies, CF and HMSS is enough to squeeze every ounce of energy n time out of me. If not for my God who sustains me ar...honestly, I would have appeared on the papers by now. Oh wells, how can I survive without food?--spiritual food. Like duhh...famished n weak aint gonna help me at all...

On a lighter note....

I thank God for the Friday Prayer Meetings that simple refresh me at the end of e week (: I thank God for His CF who has grown big and deep; still journeying; still transforming.

I thank God specially for HMSS; which has altogether given me a much deeper and special purpose in my service to them. Not the society; not the events; it's the PEOPLE- my loves<3>Special thanks to Jeremy, Peggy, Melanie, Mingxiu, Jonathan, Manhong and Zoe (: You all gave me the reason to carry on... esp Jeremy and Mingxiu; the people whom God has placed in my heart to pray and care for (:

The end of every year has always been a tough period for me. Reflections n all that reminiscing just made me an "emo-freak"; an unpredictabe one.. Muahah... >.<>

BUT i will SURVIVE! I know i'll come out of all these stronger than before; keep me in prayer(:

Take care friends; God bless (",)


heart flutters by @ 8:59 PM